Allons-y!

no matter how busy you are, i hope you can spend a few minutes to read this post, just this post will do.

today is graduation day, and this post will be dedicated for it&will also be the last post till olevels end.

this afternoon i set off to school very reluctantly, afterall i've already planned not to go up the stage, 就是想要为自己留下我最后，唯有的尊严。

i don't want to limp across the stage, and let all the juniors and parents and secfours and teachers see " hey whats wrong with that girl."

and mrsmohan was really really very nice to arrange for me not to go up the stage

坐在台下的我看着朋友们、同学们上台领“毕业证书”（但其实里面只不过是我们的成绩单……）心里是多么的想要跟他们一样，和老师握手、对她说声谢谢、甚至献上一个拥抱。

但这是件一生只会发生一次的事。我当然要它是完美的，所以我选择了不上台。你可以说我在逃避，但我死也不要一拐一拐的走在台上，死都不要。

我心想，就这么错过了。心里当然会觉得有点可惜，但我又能怎样？要怪也只能怪自己怎么这么不争气，搞出个脊椎盘突出……

so after the whole ceremony ended, mrs mohan called me and ask if i want to collect my "graduation cert" from her outside the staffroom. so i planned to get it from her and go home

我就一拐一拐的，以我最快的速度走向staffroom.

到了staffroom, 就看到mrs mohan在外面等我。重点就在这，我一心的以为拿了东西就马上走人。

但我怎样都没想到，mrs mohan似乎看穿了我的心，知道我没上台而心中有个遗憾。而为了弥补我没上台的遗憾，就在staffroom外为我举行了一个迷你毕业典礼。

she said, congratulations & shook my hand. and told me to persevere on and told me how much she admired me for juggling my studies and spine problem ( my studies aren't very good but whatever.), and for not giving up. and told me that after olevels i can go for physio more often so i can recover faster, and she'll continue to pray for me
[she said more stuff but i was feeling too emotional to actually hear properly.]

顿时间我的泪水就这样涌了出来。我不管那有多难看，但我真的真的非常感动。

i'm so touched for all the encouragement she has given me, for all the support she's given me, and everything she taught me, i'm so touched and thankful for everything.

她不只是个级任老师、不只是一个英文老师。她也教会我要怎样做人。我从她身上学会了太多太多的东西，对我们的爱，我相信大家都感觉得到。

she always believed in us no matter what the other teachers complain about us. even when her mother passed away, she still prioritized us. she not only care about us academically, but in everything.

she is the only teacher ( okay besides mdm sim..) that cared so much about me and my spine problem. she is the only teacher that always ask me how i am and promise that she will pray for me.

我哭，并不只是因为我遇到了她。我哭、并不只是因为她弥补了我心中的遗憾。我哭、并不只是因为她为我办了一个我必定终身难忘的毕业典礼。我哭、并不只是因为我不知道要怎样答谢她。我哭、也并不只是因为在接下来的日子里会有更多更多像我一样的学生从她身上受益。

&so i hugged her.

如果可以的话，我会一直抱着她，到天黑也没关系。

也不知道我是几生修来的福，能够遇见她。

i regret so much for not paying 100% attention in her lessons ( hey but i do pay 90% at least.)

i regret so much for starting to appreciate her only today.

我是含着泪写完这篇日记。

i don't care if it sounds cheesy. but i just want to say, thank you mrs mohan, and i really really love you<3